Divorce? Not for me, not for you.

    In the past 5 years, I’ve watched too many marriages suddenly just end. Most of the time, these couples are ones who from the outside seemed perfectly happy. Even couples I looked up to and admired. In almost every case, a few weeks later the truth would come out… either the husband or wife was having an affair. Maybe this is just my sheltered mind and small convenience sample, but when I think about divorce, my mind usually goes to infidelity. All too often, I hear heart wrenching stories about people who married the love of their lives only to find out their spouse is not the person they thought they were and are living a different life, with a different person. It also seems ever more apparent on TV. I’m sure all of us can name a show or movie that involves one of the main characters being unfaithful to their spouse. Although it’s being normalized, nobody wants to watch the person they love be dishonest. It only ends in heartache.

    Easier than overcoming the challenges faced after infidelity, is preventing it from happening in the first place. Just like anything, this takes hard work, but I’ve never been more confident that something’s worth it. After studying affair prevention this week, I realized there’s a few key things everyone can do from the very start to protect their marriage. First, one must put their spouse above EVERYTHING ELSE.

    President Spencer W. Kimball, apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said, “The spouse… becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse…”. Nothing takes precedence! Including friends and family. In fact, there’s a lot of danger in maintaining certain friendships after marriage. Relationships with friends of the opposite gender can be particularly dangerous. Naturally, when we spend time with someone, or even talk to them via text or social media, we build and emotional bond with them. This is the basis for almost every affair. Don’t put energy you should be putting into your companion into an old high school classmate or a coworker. Set clear, firm boundaries at the beginning. Decide together things like whether or not you’ll ride in the car alone with someone of the opposite gender, how often you’ll spend time with other couples, etc., and then make these standards clear to your friends! This is one sure way of protecting yourself and the one who you’ve made the most important commitment to.

    Secondly, be willing to make sacrifices. Putting your spouse first, perhaps most importantly, means putting them above yourself. The commitment made at marriage implies both parties are willing to give something up: their selfish desires, their friendships, their habits, whatever it may be to make it work. Obviously, this means a willingness to make changes. Just the other day, my dad told me about a time he made a tremendous sacrifice for my mom. They had just started seriously dating, and marriage was quickly becoming a possibility, but my dad had just been accepted to a great college in another state, and my mom was in the middle of the nursing program and BYU-Idaho. Because my dad loved my mom unconditionally, he decided to stay in Idaho and finish his school there, rather than going to a college he had always dreamed of. It’s the things you give up, whether big or small that show and develop commitment in a relationship.

    It’s a natural desire to want someone to love and support you. It’s even more natural to expect that person to be true to you and only you. This happens as you learn to put someone else above everything else, including yourself. Learn to make sacrifices and have faith that things will work out. You and I don’t have to follow the upward trend toward divorce cause by infidelity. Put in the work, and watch the magic happen.